So last night was the wrap party for this feature i've been working on the past 4 weeks - it's pretty much been my life since i've been on set for 14 hours a day, 6 days a week and josh has been out of town.

wrap parties are always strange since:

1) you see people in a social context, rather than a work context. i actually did my hair, wore makeup and cute shoes, rather than my usual ensemble of cargo shorts, boots and a tank top. some people didn't even recognize me at first, which i guess says that i clean up well :)

2) there is usually a lot of alcohol which is consumed way too fast and in copious amounts, to the point that people say and do things that they wouldn't do in sober situations.

which brings me to the main reason for this post.

there was this electrician on the film who was a really nice guy and always made me laugh. he is definitely older than me (mid 30s), attractive in that mid 30s way and knew his stuff on set, which is always more intriguing that being a dumb ass. he wasn't hot enough to inspire set crush status, but if josh wasn't in my life something might have happened. as it was, we would always joke around and it was nice to see that he came to the party.

and then it got weird. i showed up, said hi to people and joined a group, which contained M (the electrician). he had obviously had had a few already and told me that i looked beautiful. i smiled and continued on in my conversation with the group. over the course of the night he kept pulling me away and initiating conversations with me, which were fairly normal chitchat until he said that the only reason why he came to the party was to see me. alright, i smiled, said he was sweet and that he was a great guy but i had a boyfriend. a little after that he said he was leaving and i gave him a hug and thought he was on his way.

but he wasn't. he stayed and kept drinking. and it was bad. when the dj came and we all started dancing, he kept trying to pull me away from the group, wanting to dance but insisting that he was a bad dancer. it got to the point where i had to enlist other members of the crew to run interference between us so i could talk to other people without him trying to pull me away. the worst part of the night was when we were all leaving and saying goodbye, he pulled me into a hug and wouldn't let go. then when we parted slightly, he said that i smelled good. then i ran away. far far away.

other than it being a bad night for M, and it being an embarrasing story that will make a good laugh if i run into the other members of the crew on future projects, it also made me think. as a kid, and into my high school years, i never felt attractive. i had the fake boyfriend in 6th grade, where all you do is hold hands at lunch but you don't see each other outside of school. there were 2 guys in junior high that didn't last too long either. then there was a drought until senior year of high school - where i went overboard and became a make out whore. early college wasn't much better - i was a serial dater where i got bored fast. then josh came and changed that, which was all for the best.

but out here, in the land of plastic and designers, i feel like i get more attention that i ever have before. on this past show, one of the grips told me i was the cool, cute girl on set. and that in a conversation that he had with M, M told him i was one of the coolest girls he's ever met. i don't know if i seem more confident because i'm not looking for a guy and i don't care what others think of me in a dating sense, but it flabergasts me that what i wish i was back in high school seems to have happened now that i don't actively seek the attention. it's crazy and i'm not quite sure what to think of it.

this whole post isn't to toot my own horn or anything like that. it's not even to make fun of M, because i genuinely like the guy, just not in "that way". it's just to put it out of my head.