Today i was driving around, running errands, minding my own business, when a woman decides to walk across one of the busier streets in my area, not at a crosswalk. mind you, this is 2 lanes of each direction of traffic with a common turn lane in the middle (5 total). as i'm driving, she's casually strolling across...not in any real hurry to avoid oncoming traffic. i was a fair distance from her, going the speed limit for the road when she slows down in my lane to a complete stop, holding her hand out, cursing me out for going to fast, like i was going to hit her. i had no choice but to stop, probably about 20 feet from her, until she kept walking, continuing to point at me. what complete psychopath walks across the middle of a busy road, at a leisurely rate, and then stops a car that if she had just kept walking normally, would of come nowhere near hitting her. road rage, my friends, road rage surged in me but i kept on driving to trader joes to get my milk and eggs.

so, lesson to all, DON'T WALK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AND THEN YELL AT PEOPLE FOR DRIVING!

stupid cow.

so i've realized in all my rantings about how miserable i feel/life is/etc, i've depressed quite a few people. to the point even that a friend i have not spoken to in years im-ed me and asked how i was doing (which i definitely appreciated dave). and it's made me step back and take a look at how things really are, which, honestly, aren't that bad. yeah, job thing isn't going quite as well as i would like. but then i can't really honestly expect to get the best jobs when i really haven't been out here all that long and i haven't paid my dues. but that time will come.

take for example this past week. i was working (hence the hiatus on writing) on a small super low budget short about a DJ. the script was ok, the food was awful but i met some really nice people who i think might help me in the long run. and i gained more experience and something else to put on my resume. and that might just make it worth it in the end.

so here begins the positive outlook on things. i will work for free/low pay without complaining too much because it will help me. i will use my free time to read and get in shape and keep in touch with people. i will enjoy LA for all that it has to offer since i'm going to be here for awhile. i have good friends, a great boyfriend, and a wonderful supportive family who hasn't told me to get a "real" job yet. what more can you really ask for :)

thanks everyone. thanks for reading, thanks for the support. and i promise to be there when you need me too. all you have to do is ask.

i miss college

there. i said it. i miss college. i miss my friends. i miss my sorority. i hate to say it but i even kinda sorta miss classes. there is such a structure and a sense of security at school that i took for granted that just isn't there now. maybe if i had a real job that wouldn't be the case but i get the feeling from those friends who have jobs that something's not right there either. sure, some people love their jobs. but it's not the same. i feel old at 22. i watch way too much tv, stuff that i dont' even really like, just because it's there. there is nothing pushing me, driving at me to do something with myself. sometimes deadlines are good. sometimes having someone else push you to do something is good. self motivation is really really hard. not having money is a good motivating factor but there's only so much you can do before you lose interest. ugg. there's only so many phone calls you can make before you feel like you're accomplishing nothing. like today...i sent my resume to someone about a job. i got the job. yay you say. but, the kicker is for a 6 day job (most likely 12 hour days) i'm being paid $150. total. now how's that for motivation.

but on an even better note i just got called in for work. it's office stuff but it's better than nothing. later gators!

I only created this blog thing about a month ago and i'm already delinquent in writing. oh well...that's how these things go. but i was happy to see that some people are interested in what i might have to say, even if it is limited as of now. but i'm back in LA so hopefully more interesting things will be going on than in texas.

i have a job interview today. only here will you interview for an unpaid job...not even an internship. a normal, camera assistant job with people who are too cheap to actually pay their crew. even for gas or something. it drives me crazy knowing that there are so many people who are trying to make their living by working in film production and most of the independent world is no budget. my favorite is when on job posting boards they say in the job description that they want people who won't complain about the lack of pay, for working for them for free. you don't have to be a bastard about it right off the back. be grateful for free labor, for people who want to create careers for themselves and want to pursue a dream. be almost sheepish about not being able to pay someone. appologize for the lack of money. but don't be an arrogant monkey about it.

other than that it's the normal jive of things. making calls to people who probably won't return them. being told there is nothing right now but keep calling because there might be something in the future. i wish there was an easy way to work out here but there's not. it's part of the territory and i guess everyone has to pay their dues. but i'm not going to mince words and not say that it sucks. because it does.